DAYnamics Show - The Discussion: Understanding the Importance of a Relationship with Your Emotions

DAYnamics Show - The Discussion - Understanding the Importance of a Relationship with Your Emotions (with guest)
If you don't yet have a relationship with your emotions, you may want to start! Unsure of how to handle them? You're not alone. Join us, Mariana and Makoda, as we uncover the profound impact of emotions on our lives and the repercussions when we're not educated about them early on. We dig deep into understanding and addressing our emotions, sculpted by our upbringing and our role models.  Using the Abraham Hicks' emotional scale, we provide insight on enhancing our understanding and handling of emotions. We believe that understanding and having a healthy relationship with our emotions are crucial in leading a fulfilled life.

Referenced links:
Harmonizing With Your Emotions Podcast
Blog on Emotion
Abraham Hicks:  https://www.abraham-hicks.com/

Chapters

• 0:15 Understanding and Dealing With Emotions
• 6:15 Understanding and Managing Emotions
• 14:53 Handling Emotions and Personal Accountability
• 28:22 Expressing Gratitude for Joining Podcast

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:16

Hello everyone. I'm Mariana, creator of the Day Enamics Show and your guide, to remind you to align with your own well-being every day. I have the pleasure of being joined by Makota. Welcome, nice to be here.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Yes, and today we present the discussion and the title of the show. We don't know exactly, but it'll unfold as we're talking. But the subject matter is about the way in which, if we don't learn about our emotions as we're younger, how it really does affect you throughout your whole life. That's sort of what it's going to look like, but you'll see once it's posted what we actually have it named and again, that will just help people understand the importance of, especially if you are young, to ask about the emotions, if you're listening, and if you're older and you're not in tune with your emotions, then this will help you get in tune with your emotions and the importance of, as someone that takes care of kids, to really be able to educate them on what emotions and you can see by the emotional patterns that play out in adulthood what when people haven't really explored their emotions, what do you think, makota?

Speaker 2: 1:52

Yes, I think that being able to understand your emotions is obviously very complex, and everyone is able to fully, but I think that it does stem all the way back to childhood, to how you're raised, to how your parents were taught about their emotions, and it's a cycle that it can be hard to understand and break out of if you're not sure that you're even not expressing your emotions properly, since I think a lot of people, when they do express their emotions, they again take examples from their family members or their friends or their people they look up to, and it isn't until adulthood or when they're older that they realize that maybe that's not the correct way to show their emotions, if they're showing them at all.

Speaker 1: 2:30

So yeah, and we'll get to the correct. Remember that word correct. Thank you for sharing that. First I want to ask as well are audience listening, have they ever experienced and think of whether it was you as a younger person and seeing it from your parents, or those people that were caretakers, taking care of you, or a teacher or whatever it might be, or coach or whatever? Just have those different emotions and we by all means are not saying emotions, don't have them, because you're going to have them, so you might as well understand, while you're having them, how to address them. So if you can remember like a situation where either you felt like, oh, that was a way that someone really handled their emotions well and given a situation, and or they didn't address it very well and how did that feel?

Speaker 2: 3:33

Yes, and I hope that our viewers can really dive deep into their past and even their future to see who has impacted their emotions and what is impacting them currently.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Yes, so let's go into that correct word that you were talking about. Now, is there a correct way to deal with your emotions? Like? My first thoughts on that would be you're going to have feelings come up.

Speaker 1: 4:01

So one thing I just want to refer to if those that haven't or may not be familiar with all of our resources is that there is another recording, as well as a blog, and it's called the emotional scale, and I know, makoti, you even used it, yes, you even. We've actually printed it out and I had one. It's just not my podcast booth right now, but it's just helping you because it is someone that I feel has the clearest version of your different emotions and that's the Abraham Hicks, which you can refer to them at AbrahamHickscom, that they actually show you a scale. So you know they go from anything from being depressed way up to absolute love and joy and elation, and there's, I don't know, maybe 20 some of them. That really helps you.

Speaker 1: 4:53

So I would just tell you, if you haven't seen that, go to the blog that shares a little bit more, or go to again AbrahamHickscom and search for emotional scale or even online anywhere, because it's there and those that learn visually. You'll actually see that and can print it out, and then those that learn in different ways. You can get your information necessary. So what do you feel about the word correct when it comes to dealing with emotions?

Speaker 2: 5:27

That's a really good question because I mean, even though I used it earlier, I don't know if you know there's going to be a correct way for everyone. But when I envision the idea of correct emotions, it's just being aware of your emotions and how you react to situations where you feel that certain emotion, how you can negate certain emotions if you don't want to experience them, and just knowing how you and your body and your mind all use emotions. Pretty much, I think that a lot of people maybe don't know when they're feeling a certain emotion, or they realize after the fact that they had that emotion. So I think that the correct way to deal with your emotions or to know about your emotions is, again, just to be aware of them and to know that you're experiencing them, and not to hide them or to try to subside them and deal with them in the moment. Right.

Speaker 1: 6:13

Like that's a good point. We always say it's an interpersonal journey and I think your relationship with your emotions are just as important. Maybe that's what one of the titles might be your relationship with your emotions. And if you have one or not, some just go from, they're triggered by something and then they just go to mad or angry or whatever that scale is, because they haven't dealt with the uncomfortable and the unknown. And I remember doing a podcast and it was the known to the unknown to the known, and that works a lot with emotions. So again, I dynamic show that info that this will be posted on as well as YouTube it will have it where we talk a little bit more about that space in between. That is the most uncomfortable. It's just like if you're in, say, an emotion that doesn't feel well, like how does that affect your body?

Speaker 2: 7:23

It affects it. You know very different ways, obviously, and I think being able to be again aware of those emotions might make it less of an effect. But I think for a lot of people especially you think about children or even babies you know when they're crying, when they're upset. They don't even understand those emotions or what's happening to them, so their only reaction is to cry and to know to get attention, to seek, I guess, comfort. And so I think that sometimes, even though we grow older, we still have those same reactions, sometimes that we don't understand an emotion, we don't know how to feel about it, so we go to the extremes of crying or to get angry or to shut it out. So it can be really hard on your body when you don't really know how to process an emotion, because you can go into crying or you know beating yourself up about it or something more negative, when you just can't realize that you're having an emotion.

Speaker 1: 8:12

Right. I mean that's a good point too, because when I thought about that is when you're having these emotions and you're in it and it feels uncomfortable and doesn't feel good like, the first thing you want is some relief. Yeah, that's what the emotional scale talks about too, is just how you try to go up the emotional scale, because as you go up, the emotions feel better and if you can, you can go up it quite fast if you're aware and conscious of what you're doing. You know like, and even what you know. Do you know the difference, really, between being emotional angry and being outright mad? Is that the same thing, like?

Speaker 2: 8:55

being able to do those little distinctions between the motions and, like you said, it's going to be working up towards. You know, if you're very hateful and you're, you know, screaming at someone, you can't just immediately go to being happy, you know, like it. I mean maybe if you really know your emotions well, but it shouldn't be that it's an unachievable thing to go up the scale. You know it should be that. Okay, well, I'm really angry, I'm screaming, I'm going to slowly go into disliking this person, the situation. Then you're going to slowly go up and knowing how to get up there is really important. So that could be, you know, a thing that you say to yourself or an activity that you do that calms you down, or just getting away from the situation. And I think that it's important that again, you're able to realize when you're having those thoughts and emotions.

Speaker 1: 9:38

Absolutely, I agree, and remembering that it's an inner journey, it's easy to blame another for what you made me feel like this. Okay, well, maybe someone triggered you or maybe it brought up something like an old memory and old habit, old pattern and old belief and old, whatever it might be. And as an adult, like I said, if you're not dealing with it when you're younger and as you're a teenager and a young adult, and go into that and really understanding that emotions are not something that we should be afraid of, they're actually something that we need to have a relationship with. Yes, so when you have that remember it's just like another person is just being that mirror. You know it really. They can't think your thoughts like. No one can think someone else's thoughts. No one can feel someone else's feelings. In that moment, they can relate to them, they can have a sense of like when someone says like I'm angry, and they're like okay, I understand, I know what angry means, so I'll give you some space or whatever.

Speaker 1: 10:48

But it's really about open communication too, especially if you're dealing with a partner and if you're not and you're just by yourself, it's, and maybe it's a school thing, or maybe it's a coach thing, or maybe it's a teacher thing, maybe it's a parent thing, maybe it's a friend thing or or relationship in some way romantic, having that ability to just like, be very conscious and be like, mature around it.

Speaker 1: 11:19

Right, like I wish, and I know it someday not wish, but right now it's a wish, but I know it someday they will bring something more into schools that will tell and show people. I mean, that's what the kid dynamics program that worked on. One of the themes is emotions and I think that it's just really important for well, start with kids, but even adults and, you know, even seniors, way up to the end, you know they have this inability maybe sometimes to really understand, and after you've the older you get an age wise, sometimes, the more patterns you're in of habit, more of a challenge to change or you just don't want to. Yes, because everyone has a choice to change anything at any time. But it's just like whether do they want to put in that work because it's again that known versus unknown to that known place again and that space in between. That's very uncomfortable.

Speaker 2: 12:20

Yes, and I think a lot of people when they get older to that. They feel that the way that they react to things or the way that they handle things as part of their personality and who they are, and so it becomes really hard for them to take away that part of themselves. If they feel like, oh well, if I, if I always get angry when I see the color purple or pink or something, or green, whatever that they feel like, if they stop having that reaction, that emotion towards it, that that's losing a part of themselves or part of who they are as of their identity. So I think, especially even when it comes to when you're in high school or even middle school, that some kids, when they start to develop their personality, the habits that they have with their emotions have a big impact on that as well.

Speaker 1: 13:02

Yeah, and you notice the different stages in life. I guess it's it goes back to knowing yourself a little bit more and being more aware, but it also has to do with those different stages in life and all the hormones and stuff that are going through you. So it's like teach about emotions and and how to deal with them in all the stages of your life. But if you're, if you're teaching the kids and then they keep learning that along the way, and I think, as, like I said, those that you know take care of the well being of kids, whether, again, that's a parent or a coach or a teacher or a family member or someone that influences them, it would be really good to be aware of that along the way and help them, because you know, if you can't name it and you're just doing a habit or you're just taught, this is what you do when this happens.

Speaker 1: 13:56

That could be a generational thing. Yes, for so many, so, so many. So let's give an example. Makota, what do you think that, when it comes to emotions, one way that you've dealt with it well and one way way that you feel like you may have to work on it a little bit more?

Speaker 2: 14:23

Ooh, that's a tough question. He has to be there. I think I shared an example with you a few days ago where I was playing with some friends Scrabble pretty much for playing Scrabble and they accidentally skipped my turn because they didn't realize they could pass it. And I was like I Was not doing that good that game. So I was really hoping that that turn was really gonna change the point scores and I was getting a little too competitive there and I got mad at both of them and said like oh, you should have known. Like you know, I've played with this person before. They know that you can do that. Like why didn't they tell you?

Speaker 2: 14:54

And I realized like I'm getting upset over a Video game, that I'm playing with two of my favorite people and I'm getting mad at them for something that doesn't even matter, like if I lose that game, it doesn't make a difference. And so I realized that I was maybe just had to get that emotion out, but I didn't do it in the right way at all. I could have been like hey, that kind of made me upset. Like next time just make sure we can pass my turn, and then it would have went a lot better than to be it, get up getting upset at them. But, uh, thankfully I knew that I was experiencing a bad emotion and so, rather than, you know, ending the call and leaving and not talking to them for the rest of the day Because I wanted to like pout and be sad, I said, hey, I that wasn't cool with me to do.

Speaker 2: 15:36

I want to apologize. And they're both like it's fine, it's whatever. So they didn't take it seriously. But to me, I needed to make sure that I knew that they, they knew that I was okay with it. They're like that. I understood that I did something wrong. So, even if it wasn't about them apologizing or getting an apology out of them or any satisfaction of their end, it's just that I knew that I had to be Okay with that fact, that I knew I did something wrong and that I was apologizing and Recurrecting. And it wasn't changing my personality or changing anything about myself, it was just knowing that, hey, I did something wrong and being accountable for that and I think a.

Speaker 1: 16:13

And I'm gonna stop you as we go on to the next one, because I think that's a great example. I do want to bring up something that you said several times in that explanation. You said you feel like you were doing something wrong. Yeah, and that is very interesting because people often relate through my years of teaching, in my years in this physical life here, people often think that the emotions that come up are wrong. So it might not have been that you felt like your emotion was wrong. Maybe is you didn't feel like you handled your emotions well in that situation.

Speaker 1: 16:52

So because I never want to I I mean just my opinion, of course and this is a discussion is I never want people in our audience To feel like their emotions are wrong, like the emotions that come up are wrong, because that's obviously something in you and it's brought something up for you to heal. It's what you do with it, right. So it's not like anything's right or wrong, it just is. But how do you feel about what it was? You know, like, because, like, I don't want our listeners to think, okay, well, it was wrong, just to have that. You know, definitely motion it, but it's the way you're explained. That I just want to clarify, because it was like Was it that you felt your emotion was wrong or you felt like how you Related and dealt with the situation was maybe better, a better choice could have been done?

Speaker 2: 17:47

Yes, I think I'm really happy that you clarified it on that.

Speaker 2: 17:50

And so it wasn't that I felt that the emotion of me being angry was wrong, because you can be angry about something and you know, in my mind at that point I had every right to be angry about that situation, but the way that I handled it was wrong in my eyes, you know.

Speaker 2: 18:04

I know that that's not the right way to handle anger and that wasn't gonna solve anything or make the situation better by me Blowing up at my friends and making the situation uncomfortable. Now. So the fact that I had anger, totally fine, you know, that's an emotion that's gonna come up and there's obviously a reason that that came up for me. But the way that I handled it in my eyes and the way that I want to Use that emotion was wrong. You know, I should have realized hey, I'm not feeling this way, let me step away, let me Do something that I know will, let me deescalate the situation a bit before I would yell at my friends. And so it's definitely just that the emotion is not wrong because it's a part of me. It's just the way that I knew that I could handle it and I did not do that properly in that situation?

Speaker 1: 18:48

So, well, I mean, that's good to be aware of that. And do you know, before we go on to the other example, is that sometimes, instead of laughing about stuff, that we take it so personal? Yes, yeah, I mean, that's just a trait that I have in my family, generationally. I've showed you that example of taking things personal. Like, how dare you skip my turn in your example, you know. But the fact that we take it personally, instead of just going, okay, guys, or you know, okay, whoever's on, you know like, hey, you know you skipped by me, okay, turn it around, that's good, and making fun of it, that it just obviously that energy must have been prevalent in your you know your energetic field for that to bother you. What do you feel about?

Speaker 2: 19:42

sometimes we take things personal, you know, because it is bringing up stuff or triggering something, or something that we've used to having or believing, or yeah, I think it wasn't for sure, that I just wasn't aware of the emotions that I was experiencing and that I was getting really competitive and like maybe two, into a Scrabble game, which sounds kind of silly, you know, if you ever played a game or anything like that. But it's just, yeah, I didn't realize that I was feeling those emotions until it was just past the point and that I was taking it way too seriously, because what's the worst that's gonna happen if they skip my turn. Okay, then I just take two turns next time, or, you know, they don't take their turn next time. So it's like it's not. It's not a situation where I should have been overreacting and kind of like taking it super personally, like they had done it maliciously and you know they had planned and planned it together to skip my turn. It's like, no, it was honest mistake, it wasn't anything that they were doing. You're planning against you.

Speaker 1: 20:42

Yeah, so it's like the third turn around. Do not give her a third turn.

Speaker 2: 20:47

Yeah, so it's like it's not worth it to have those emotions towards people that I care about, and thankfully they were understanding and they weren't like oh yeah, of course you would act like that. You know it's not something that it's a usual trait.

Speaker 2: 20:58

Yes, yeah, it's not a usual thing that I would just get mad at them so they weren't taking it super like personally, they're just like oh, obviously that was not something we should have done. My apologies are other than it being like oh, you're always like this and making it a bigger situation, so it was out of character for me and thankfully, they acted in character by apologizing and saying it's okay, yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:18

And having supportive, cool friends around you that get emotions and then are sort of more balanced. This is not about having an unbalanced, it's more about having a balanced life where you know that you're gonna go up and down that emotional scale sometimes, but that it's okay, and then just knowing what to do with it and having those cool friends, like you do around you to let you have that space and therefore process it in the moment, which is good Cause, like I said, you could have went I'm out of here, yeah, whatever and go into all of those. What is it?

Speaker 1: 22:02

For me and sad and angry, and you know like, because you can.

Speaker 2: 22:07

Yes, and I think definitely, as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at not doing that Cause whenever I would feel those emotions, I definitely would go into that space of like oh, I should be the one that's getting apologized to and I'm the one that's got wronged by this skipping of my turn and all that.

Speaker 1: 22:21

So yeah, and thank you for sharing that cause. That was a personal experience, but that's what this you know, the podcast or about sometimes is just these personal experiences that help other people right. So what about a good way that you addressed your emotions, Like like an example?

Speaker 2: 22:40

The one that I thought of is probably what I was doing my teaching practice with the great tours, like I was grade one. I think I was grade one and for me I don't like a lot of noise and like if there's a noisy room sometimes I just get overwhelmed and like I have to step away. And so I was able to kind of counteract that a little bit by knowing ahead of time that I was going to feel that way with how many students were in the class and there was like 25 and they were, all you know, all over the place. And so I was able to say, hey, I told my host teacher. I was like I'm going to wear some earplugs sometimes I can still hear the students. I just need to make sure that I don't get overwhelmed and then have a bad day because of that.

Speaker 2: 23:25

And she was very understanding and I was able to kind of talk to her on that level, where it wasn't a thing of like, oh, your students are too loud, you need to control them, like I wasn't getting mad at her for how kids are going to reaction, act, but being able to understand that hey, I know how I'm going to act with the situation and to counteract that by wearing contacts, by wearing earplugs, and to then be able to have very amazing days with those kids every single day. And after the first times of what's in your ears, why are they orange? We were able to have great days because I wasn't letting them do that. I was not letting the noise and letting my own emotions around that get in the way of just spending time with those kids and helping them learn.

Speaker 1: 24:08

So that's awesome, that's good, just knowing the difference, right.

Speaker 2: 24:15

Yes, the difference of I could have let my feelings about the noise get to me, but the fact that I knew that there was a solution that I could easily do that would counteract all of that, and that I was able to kind of mitigate my own emotions a little bit with that really helped, I think.

Speaker 1: 24:32

Right, and let's just make note, she wasn't the main teacher, it was a teacher practicum, so, just so, not your regular teacher would always be wearing earplugs. It was helping and it was a situation where you were in there helping a teacher and you made the best of the situation. Yes, yeah, for sure, and especially if you're not used to a situation either. Right, so to end up, because we want to keep this under 30 minutes, but once we start talking about stuff, things is so slow. So what would you say as a take home tool for someone that wants to have a better understanding of how they can relate to their emotions?

Speaker 1: 25:19

Now, one thing that I would say is you know, you can use whatever resource you want, but use the resource of that emotional scale. Look it up, print it out, save it, whatever you want to do, and just have the awareness, because once you're conscious and once you're aware of something, it's, then it's in your awareness that when that opportunity comes up again, you can go. I have a moment right here that I can choose my old behavior or a new one, and so you have that power in every moment to change. But you don't know what to change to unless you know that there's a different choice to pick. Yes, well, it's just a habit I have, and, and this is. But if you know that there's something better to choose, then your habit can be a more healthy habit. So what about a take home tool that you would like to share with our audience?

Speaker 2: 26:15

I think that the biggest thing that I could say for anyone of any age, especially if you kind of gotten set in your ways and you feel like your emotions are how they should be or how they've always been I think the best way to, if you want to hopefully change the way that you act and to be more positive and like responsive with your emotions, is to look through all your emotions so as many as you think that you've experienced throughout your life, or the ones that you experienced the most, maybe the ones that you're the most ashamed of having or something and how you react with those emotions. So when you're angry, how do you react? I think of situations where you've been angry and it has it been consistent. Have you always yelled at someone? Have you always ran away and then realizing is that how I actually want to act with those emotions?

Speaker 2: 26:59

Even being happy, maybe you don't act as happy as you want to, or you aren't able to express your happiness in the way that you want, and so you should look back on your life as much as possible, write it down if you have to, and feel like OK, do I really want to have this be my reaction for these emotions. Is this something that I'm happy with? Is this something that is helping my relationships out? Is it something that I am proud of showing? And if that's no, then hopefully you can kind of realize, well, what do I want instead and hopefully slowly work on it to get to that better reaction.

Speaker 1: 27:33

Yeah, I think that's a great point, and thanks for sharing that take home tool, because what came up when you were talking is, once you make choices like that, we all know about the law of attraction. So just be prepared, because a lot of attraction will give you an opportunity to Ensure that that is truly what you want to do. It'll bring a situation to you because they're like, oh, you want to deal with this differently? Ok, well, I'll just bring a situation that gives you the opportunity to make a new choice. So, when you're doing conscious work, that is a that's a thing. And, again, if those people aren't aware of law of attraction, just look it up as well, because that is a great resource to know how truly a lot of attraction works. So we're getting up to that point. So I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, makota, for joining us.

Speaker 1: 28:26

It's a great podcast, yeah, and I'm sure that we might do another one on this, because there's so many examples for so many different ages as to how we can get, how the relationship with our emotions will work and should work and should be one of the greatest relationships that we have when it comes to what we have. Relationship with is is it's sort of the one that's set aside versus the one that, oh, maybe there's so many feelings, maybe I should just get a handle on the handle on them. That's right. So we again. Thank you, makota. Yes, thank you, thank you. So we have lots of great shows coming up and lots of great past recordings. So go see what serves you by visiting daynamicshowinfo and explore our other great resources and products. And I do need to add that all materials are cooperated in our for informational purposes. So until we meet again, thank you, thank you, thank you for listening and make it a dynamic day. Make it a dynamic day.