DSF 016: Family, Redefined?

DAYnamics Show Fundamentals 016: FAMILY Dynamics. Family, Redefined?We open up FAMILY Dynamics with a candid mother–daughter talk on how roles change, definitions expand, and belonging is something we build on purpose. Stories from a month packed with reunions and surprises reveal why chosen kin, blended homes, and community ties can be challenging, but matter. Below are some highlights on the this show:
• redefining family beyond law or bloodlines
• blended family realities and connection
• categories of family
• acceptance that family evolves over time

Links for this Show:

Intro to Family Dynamics Video

Vehicle Video #69: My Favourite Categories of Family and More

Family Dynamics: Embracing Connection and Understanding Blog

DynaTools for Aligning with Family Dynamics: The Johnsons’ Story Blog

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:15

And welcome to the dynamic show where personal development and wellness meets real life. I'm Mariana, your host, here to remind you that flowing through each one

Welcome And Show Purpose

SPEAKER_01 0:30

of us is a dynamic energy that is ours to use every single day. If you're endlessly curious about what's possible and your choices to create your life by design on your terms, this podcast is for you. The dynamic show empowers creative thinkers and intentional doers to move beyond cookie cutter advice and uncover their unique path to balanced, inspired, dynamic daily living. We know there's no one size fits all past, so let's uncover the reason you are here. Tune in and let's explore what's possible together. Our discussion recording today will be about our new dynamic for the month, family dynamics. And before we get into why this subject,

Introducing The Month’s Theme

SPEAKER_01 1:33

let me have the opportunity to introduce you if you have never heard our podcast before to our guest, Makota.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Nice to have me here, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yes, it's very nice to have you here. Thank you so much for joining us. And welcome, welcome, welcome. If you are unfamiliar who Makota is and how she fits into this dynamic show in the dynamics series and kid dynamics, you can go to our website, dynamicseries.com, and then look to contact us and meet us, and you will find her full story there. Unless you wanted to spend time telling your whole story.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Well, I don't know about that, but I think it's very fitting. I'm here for the family dynamics.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

The family

Meet Makota And Our Relationship

SPEAKER_01 2:20

dynamics, that's right. For those that don't know, we are family. There's so many different categories of family. We are family by I'm the mom, she's a daughter. Although sometimes she acts like the mom, and I like to have fun and act like the daughter. That sounds about right. It's interesting how we we switch roles sometimes in life. Like as you're adulting now, because you're 26, that sometimes you take on that role of caretaker instead of us. You know, like if I'm not feeling well, you'll take over that caretaker role

Role Shifts In Mother–Daughter Life

SPEAKER_01 3:03

of how you were sort of taken care of, or if I need some advice, because she's been an advisor for us for a long time with this whole dynamic series. And how do you feel about doing that? Being that we're in family, and it's sometimes it can be very sensitive or dynamic, or there's so many moving parts when it comes to a mother-daughter relationship and work.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Well, I think that the sentence of f family dynamics is a very good way to describe family, is that it is very dynamic, it changes all the time, and us being mother and daughter looks very different from other people that are mother and daughter,

Why Family Dynamics Now

SPEAKER_00 3:44

or the way that we act, and that that's all unique to your own family dynamic. And I think that's why we're talking about it today.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yes. That is such a good point. So thanks for sharing that. Is that there is no right or way or wrong way to do it? I mean, I'm sure there's probably a wrong way, but I mean, but that would just be someone's opinion because, like we said in the beginning, there's no one size fits all path. So how does one know the way you we do family and the way someone else does family, that it's either right or wrong or better or worse, or you know, this is the way you're supposed to do it, because there is no supposed to in this life. There's choices all along the way. Yes. And we're all learning. You know that you have to make some choices along the way, and not everyone's going to agree with it. So that's okay. Exactly right. I agree. And what I love about the family dynamics too is that as for those that do have children, as they grow up and then they have children, they completely understand the the whole dynamic of why sometimes the parent or the guardian or the whoever's taking care of the kids may have acted the way that they did. So why this subject? Well it's part of the uh dynamics series on dynamicsseries.com, and so family is just you know the next one that was in in the series to go over. And if you've listened to my vehicle video, it's on YouTube and on social media, you'll understand that it's funny because when we pick which dynamic we're doing for each month throughout the whole year, and family landed in October, and it is the month that I have seen, or we have seen, the most family that we haven't seen for a long time. Like we've done a couple trips, it was my husband's 60th birthday, all that stuff. We've seen different family members and traveled to see them and stuff than we have ever seen in one month before. We even had a family member that wasn't even supposed to come and stay with us, stay with us. Yes, right. You know, who would have known? I mean, the universe just set it all up. So it's like, oh, you want to talk about family dynamics and some of the dynamics that happens in family? Well, here, let's give you an opportunity. Yeah, I love it. I love it. It never just happens, it's always set up. The universe knows, got your back and knows what to do to help you have a more meaningful experience in these dynamics. So that is why we cover the subject. And although we're already a few minutes into this, I always like to set the tone for our time together, as it's more than just a podcast. What we focus on expands. So let's just take a moment to center ourselves, be fully present, and listen with an open heart and mind. So to start, let me ask you this,

Setting Intention And Presence

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Makoda, given the title of the show, which is probably Intro to Family Dynamics, how can you relate to that

How Family Definitions Evolve

SPEAKER_01 7:17

in yourself and where you are in your life?

SPEAKER_00 7:20

That's a very big question. I mean, I think that being able to go and understand family dynamics is such an important part of my journey as a person. And I think that being able to go over it with everyone, including you, and with this podcast is really nice because I know that as I get older, my idea of family changes so much. And my idea of who is part of my family or who is the most important part of my family, or what it looks like, and changes so drastically from when, even a few months ago, or maybe even a few years ago. So being able to go over and kind of understand how that shaped me and to put light on it, especially like we said that a lot of people were coming that were part of our family. I think it's very important that you can kind of take that moment and think about it that way.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah. That's good because we we we did a blog, and if you haven't looked at the blog yet, there is so m like not only the blog, but we also did it in a video. There's so many different categories of family. Yes. Very much so. To our listeners, can you understand that? Like who is your family? Who who do you consider your family? Let's just go over a few of those different categories. And I'm sure we haven't even covered all of them. We're just covering some of them, just to give you that definition of how family as we knew it maybe many, many, many years ago, was either usually by blood ties or marriage or something like that, has just evolved so much more.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yes. And I think a lot of the time we don't always think about what it is. So, as an example, extended family is one that we really don't always think about. Do we think of our day-to-day lives and having our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins in our lives as our family? Of course, they are our family, but that might not be the first thing that

Expanding Family Categories

SPEAKER_00 9:22

we think about when we consider our family. It's probably your parents, the people that raised you, or your siblings. But for some people, it's also their close friends, or you know, maybe their cats and their dogs and their animals being part of their family. Or for maybe an older couple, they might just see themselves as their only family, or the person that they're married to as their only part of their family. So as you go throughout your years and when you're born to when, you know, you make your transition, the idea of what your family is changes so drastically because of all the life events that you go through. And that continues to change, and it's changing in an unexpected way every second, really. And you might think about someone that you've never thought about before as your family, and then that might change.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

That's the beautiful part about it.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yes, because in the vehicle video that I did, and and like you mentioned, is I had I said that my top three categories of family for me was my chosen family. For me, my chosen family is is not only the family that's close to me, even though there is some family members that you know we may not associate with because one, they're either away, they're distant, or or for whatever reason, but then there's also the chosen friends that we have become made our family as well. And then how about the blended family? We're a blended family. Yes. And so anyone that's been part of a blended family, sometimes it can be a challenge because whether that's through a death of a loved one or whether that's through a divorce or through like some kind of separation, blended families, like especially if there's other

Blended Families And Belonging

SPEAKER_01 11:08

children involved, you know, that you're trying to bring in two whole, and depending on what ages the kids are, like that that's sort of our story here is we came together, even though my husband and I knew each other in grade nine and we were first loves, we were together for a while, we split. When we came back together again, then we blended our family many years later. And you know, sometimes it's a challenge. What do you think about that whole experience of having being a blended family? And I will say something first before you say it, because then there's that whole like, well, you're not in my you're not my real family. You're not in and that's what we're getting at is like we have to look at the definition of what families are, and there's so much more than that word supposed to be, or what we've been influenced to think a family actually is.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Yes, and I I think even over definitions, it's a lot on feelings as well. I have aunts and uncles that I've haven't talked to in years or seen in years. And do I feel that they're supposed to be close to me just because they're my first in quotation family and not my extended family or my blended family? Not necessarily. And so, me growing up having to be in a blended family and also being in a relationship with someone that also has a blended family, there's a lot of extra layers on top of all these new aunts and uncles and siblings and grandparents. And without all of that, or with all of that, you still have to feel who is important in those situations and who are you talking to and who are you thinking about, and how do you make them part of your life if you are put into a situation where you get new family members? Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

And and how do you even feel about that, you know? Because I mean, straight up blending our families, like how did I mean there were some challenges.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah, I think it's hard to know what to feel, really. I mean, especially for me, because it was at a such young, such a young age that I didn't really know what to expect or what to feel. It was exciting for me because I got to have siblings for the first time, but they were much older. And so I wasn't really able to connect with them like some of my classmates were able to connect with their siblings. But I also had to realize at a young age that I can't compare myself or

Unique Journeys Versus Comparison

SPEAKER_00 13:38

my family dynamic to other people around me because mine is unique for a reason and it's meant to be there to explore what it needs to explore for myself and my journey.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Yeah. Yeah, really good, well said. Let's just go over a few of the styles and categories of family. The foundational family, which they call nuclear, in some of the research I did, you know. So then there's extended, single parent, blended, childless families, steppamilies, grandparent family, same-sex family, adoptive family, foster family.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Well, like you said, chosen family is a great one too, right? It doesn't have to always be around the idea of kids, because a lot of these have to go around with the idea of kids, and that's the center of a family, and that's not always the case.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Yeah, because some people just decide to have pets, so you know, and and not have children. So the, you know, that's why the pet the pet family part, I don't know if it's in here, but the yeah, what I'd mentioned in the vehicle video as well is is my my inner family, meaning like my those that have passed, or what I would call some of my angels

A Living List Of Family Types

SPEAKER_01 14:53

or guides, or or something that I know that are around me, even though they're not physically, they're still part of my family. And then there's the community families, like dynamic series, kid dynamics, this dynamic show. You're part of the family. So there's like that community or groups or co-workers, or like in your case, your school, like some of your teachers, you become close to them, they become family and during the time that you're together, and some of them you stay close to, and some of them you may not. But at the time, it's almost like working as as much as you can as a team and a family unit and and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

So I think that's a very good idea, right? I mean, that's the way you have to see it is your family changes throughout your whole life. If you think about when you were in school and being able to have a family with your classmates or even maybe with your teachers that you had, because you were able to connect with them on that level and have that bond, but you might not talk to them anymore. But for that time, they were your family and they were as maybe important as what a regular stereotypical family name is supposed to look like because to them they taught you things and they comforted you and you cherish that time with them, and that's what a family should have.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Yeah. So like we invite you to like look at the blogs or listen to the other vehicle videos and stuff, and we'll have the links down below from the podcast. But just like look at all the different categories,

Community, Chosen, And Inner Family

SPEAKER_01 16:24

read the blog, listen to the stuff, and then like maybe redefine what you think family actually is. Like it is said most families started off that way, you know, mother, father, sister, brother, or whatever variation of children there was, grandparents, cousins, all that stuff. But you know, what about a foster kid that didn't know any of their family, or maybe a child that their parents may have something happened to them, and they don't they're now being brought up by someone else, or the sake of my sister, which couldn't have children, like they she adopted children, which is part of her family. So, and again, then I have so many friends, like they don't call it Thanksgiving, they call it what is it, friends giving or something like that, where it's like instead of having your family around, they bring their friends all around because they don't have any family anymore, like especially as you get uh up in age, you don't like the family is just not around anymore, so your family becomes those that you choose to make them important to you, and that could change throughout your life as well.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Listeners, are you are you getting the drift of this? Are you agreeing, disagreeing? Because we're not here ever to tell you what you should think or what you should do. We're offering resources so you can look at this subject matter and go, hey, maybe I just had a limited idea of that. Like maybe it's so much more than I thought it was gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Exactly. And hopefully that's been the case for this podcast for you.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Any tools that you can think of to really help people be open to having or or maybe even like sharing that, okay, hey, you're my family. I I don't care if you're not what the law defines

Redefining Family Over A Lifetime

SPEAKER_01 18:26

you as that people can look at to feel like they're your family.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Well, that's a really good question. I I think you know, the amount of time that you spend with someone, if you're thinking about them a lot of the time, if the same characteristics that you might have for your biological or your family that you grew up with are carrying over to friends or other family members that you never have talked to before, perhaps that could be a good indication that they might be your family. And then you might want to consider them as your family and to know that as you get older and how you've changed throughout your life, looking back on your life, thinking about okay, who did I consider as the biggest part of my family? And has that changed since now and then? And that it'll continue to change. So there's nothing wrong with adding or perhaps losing people in your family and just moving on from there and knowing that it will always change, and you'll always make people part of your family that need to be there.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Yeah, and that's the same as people, relationship, friends. Sometimes it's everyone has their own life path. So some people just are in your family for a short time and then they're gone, whether that for whatever reason it might be. Can you imagine uh just even being open to the idea of wow, they came into my family to be my sister in this life? Or you came into my family life because you wanted to be my daughter in this lifetime.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Right. Exactly. And so a lot of the people that you're meeting in this lifetime could be, you know, something that you've already found and something that you've already had, and you're here to meet them again for another experience, or maybe for the same one, you know, with this different bodies and different situations and scenarios.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Yeah. But just being open to that concept, like what if you agreed before you came down on this physical body that, hey, we're gonna play this role for each other while we're in the family, and then we might have some disagreements and challenges and contrasts and all that stuff, and then sometimes we'll really love each other a lot, but that we agree to because of what people believe family is, we'll stay in each other's life throughout many years and just, you know, help expand each other forward, evolve each other forward. Can you imagine having that agreement before you even come into this physical? Sounds pretty cool to me. Yeah. Just

Tools For Recognizing Your Family

SPEAKER_01 21:04

an option to think about. No one's telling us we don't know what's right, what's wrong sometimes. We just know we want to feel good and be good people and and be the best that we can be and live a dynamic life, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yes. Anything else that you would just like to leave everybody with around family dynamics as far as making them feel that they're part of our family, our dynamics family.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

I think that that's a great way to end it is that you're part of our family and we're part of your family to some degree because of the shared time that we're spending together, the care that we put into this community. And there you have it. You have so many families that you probably don't even know about. And maybe taking the time to look at it and seeing where else do I have families, or where else do I see that I am connecting with people to the point that I feel like they're part of my family and just cherishing that and recognizing it.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Because having I mean, that's very well said, and I appreciate that because sometimes you don't always care for your family and they don't always care for you all the time, but that's okay. I think it's having conscious relationships with people that have trust and respect for each other, too, you know? Yes. You know, you're you're part of my family, regardless, like I said, of the labels of what society says is right and wrong as a family. Okay, that's family dynamics. So what's next? First, take a moment to reflect what this podcast has made you most aware of around living a dynamic life every day and understanding family dynamics more. Then we challenge you to take action, share this episode with someone who needs it, or explore our past recordings to keep the conversation alive. Your dynamic journey doesn't stop here. There's so much more waiting for you, so we invite you to subscribe, rate, and review our shows. And next, visit dynamics show.info info or dynamicsseries.com to dive into our resources, including our shock to help you every day. Plus, a quick reminder all materials shared on this show are copyrighted and meant for informational purposes only. And you might hear in the background our doggies, which are part of our family that always like to be part of the family, regardless where we're recording this show.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Yes, maybe we should invite them in as a guest next time.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Maybe not, because two of them are puppies. So we just we you you probably wouldn't enjoy that because they love having bark sometimes. Makota, thank you so much for being part of

Agreements, Growth, And Acceptance

SPEAKER_01 23:57

this. I'm so blessed to have you as part of my family in this family time, this lifetime, you being my daughter, me being your mom, and us just supporting each other along the way.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Well, thank you for being my mom.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Sounds pretty good to have you as one. Aww. Thank you so much. Okay, so until we meet, and thank you for being on the show as well. Yes, thank you for having me. Yeah. So until we meet again, and until next time, thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning in to the dynamic show and make it a dynamic day. Make it a dynamic day.