DAYnamics Show - VV71: Self Judgement to Self Acceptance

In this Vehicle Video/OTC recording Marianna digs deeper into the root of self-judgment (including her own example) and how “should” thinking keeps us judging ourself and others. She has included it in the month of Adult Dynamics as we tend to be more conscious of it to redefine it in adulthood. Other highlights include:

• reframing 'mistakes' as information opportunities or errors
• interrupting negative self-talk with conscious language
• challenging inherited beliefs and comparison habits
• building self-compassion through simple daily phrases

*Note: These are vehicle videos so there will be some sound in the background
Vehicle Videos(VV) are unscripted, unedited, focused videos in our vehicles! We have transferred the audio for your listening pleasure (the audio is from within a vehicle). We have chosen a few to share on the DAYnamics Show. For the full list and to view all the videos please visit the link below. Vehicle Videos cover many dynamic subjects and are filmed while waiting in a vehicle and making the best use of my time. 

Links from the Show:

Direct link to our Vehicle Videos 

Vehicle Video #71 Video 

Embracing Self-Judgement: A Journey Towards Conscious Kindness Blog

Chapters

• 0:29 Setting Intentions And Gratitude
• 1:45 From Off-The-Cuff Session To Theme
• 2:50 Naming The Pattern: Self-Judgment
• 4:12 Defining Self-Judgment Clearly
• 7:20 Lived Roots Of Comparison
• 8:36 Spiritual Lens On Judgment
• 9:39 Practical Shifts To Soften The Critic
• 12:45 Challenging Beliefs And Self-Talk
• 13:52 Choosing Kindness Over Perfection
• 15:59 Dynamic Energy And Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:14

Hello, Dynamics family. This is Marianna, and I am in a vehicle, obviously, doing a vehicle video, but I believe this is going to go a little further. I think this will end up being in part of the Dynamics show podcast because I said that I wanted to get deeper and I wanted to share my gifts more. I have been sharing them along the way, but I'm just like very consciously sharing my gifts now. And I am so grateful for the opportunity and the means and the time to be able to do this. I'm so grateful for everyone that has supported me along the way to do this and continues to support me in my life. Because I'm a middle child and I do not want to leave anyone out. If you can resonate, you'll absolutely know why I say what I say. So, thumbs up to uh two middle children. It is a thing. It doesn't have to be a thing that's negative, but it is a thing. I hear you and feel you, and and I will help speak on behalf of you in some cases. Today I wanted to just talk about, I just had a session, and when I inspired to do these recordings, I do them. Podcasts in general is usually once a month, and it's based on, well, this year it's been based on the different dynamic themes, but for any given time, it could just be anything. It could be like right now and off the cuff. Like I just had a session, I want to share a bit of it and what came up of it. It to help, to share the gifts, to help, to share the that universal truth that I'm getting clarity on and the insights that it's helped for me to help evolve and to become more, which is what being dynamic is. You know, you're always becoming something, new ideas and and positive in attitude, and being and moving forward, because we all have that ability, should we choose to want to use it. So today it came up is how much was talking about judging my own value, and I f have sometimes projected it on, like, oh, if I say something or do something, there's gonna be judgment from others, where it's really about the judgment that I'm rejecting onto myself and even making up scenarios about how I can't do something because someone else is gonna judge me, even though they haven't. And even if they do, 90% of the time they wouldn't share it anyway, because it's just their own judgment. We have judgment, we've done something about judgment, but not to the degree I'll be doing it here. And it's again just a word that sort of describes something clearer. Self-judgment. Do you have it? Our listeners, our audience, do you have it? I'm gonna say a majority of our listeners will say, yes, at some point I've totally judged myself. Absolutely. And I'm gonna tell you, just if you think you're not sure if you have or not, and even whether the thoughts were conscious or unconscious, I'm gonna read what the definition said. This is from online, this is from dictionary.com and the AI. Self-judgment is the act of evaluating oneself often critically, based on an internal standard or an image of what one should be. Now I know when I read that, I was like, I just did a and it could have just been a we too, a podcast or blog on this about there is no should bees, who decides what it should be, who decides what what you in your own unique gifts should be. You have to decide that is a personal thing. That is your gifts, that's your DNA, that's your cellular well-being. You have to decide there is no should be. I think that should just go out of the dictionary. Should go out of the dictionary. I I remember hearing a saying before, shoulda, woulda, could have. Take them out of your vocabulary and see how your life works. Maybe it's something I'll consider. But I remember saying those words when I read those on this definition, I was just like, yes, the universe is clearly helping me get clarity around the judgment that I've had, self-judgment that I've had for so long on certain things that have stopped me from doing things. And it can, and and that's okay because when you're really ready, then there are some beautiful people. Thank you, beautiful person. If you're listening to this for the session today, I didn't get permission to say your name. However, if I do, I will put it in the comments. Thank you for the clarity. Even the the therapist and even the person sharing guidance and resources with you still needs help too along the way, support and love and guidance and clarity. So, yes, help each other. Ours is just a stepping stone of the resources. You figure out where you want to go with the rest of it. Back to the definition. This, after I just said about the self-judgment act of evaluating oneself, this can involve harshly criticizing one's own actions, thoughts, and worth stemming from factors like negative self-beliefs, comparison to others, or the internalization of external pressures and expectations. While it can be a negative process leading to self-abuse, self-criticism, and stagnation, it is also considered a component of self-directed learning when approaching with a goal of self-awareness and improvement, as seen in educational contexts.

Speaker: 6:56

Okay. A lot of words there.

Speaker 1: 7:00

However, the self-criticism, yeah, I get that. Compared to others, I was in baton from age four to age ten. And you were constantly judged. Do you not think that that was going to be part of my life path? This time is to to understand that a little bit more. Throne right in it at four years old. And then the comparison to others and stuff that that has here, and then, you know, negative self-beliefs. You weren't as good as the other person. They did it better. I could go on and on and on. So you start getting into self-criticism, and you look up self-judgment for yourself if you're having any of this. I'm just sharing what my results have been, and that's my gift to you. Just like you'll have gifts to share with others as well. So it says aspects of self-judgment. So we said the self-criticism, the negative self-beliefs, comparison, inner critic, and then self-judgment in different contexts.

Speaker: 8:08

Educational and psychological and then spiritual.

Speaker 1: 8:18

I just want to read the spiritual one because I'm just doing this live right here with you. Some religions texts discuss self-judgment as a way to examine one's own actions and beliefs to stay accountable, which is presented as preferable to being judged by a higher power.

Speaker: 8:37

Huh. But I I don't think my source energy God, whatever word, universal energy.

Speaker 1: 8:52

I re I really don't think they're judging me. I really don't. I mean, it's a co-creative universe here. And if I was made in the likeness of God and again, whatever energy, whatever, whatever word that you want to put there, I I don't feel like I'm being judged. I feel like I'm being supported and and helping to evolve.

Speaker: 9:17

Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

Speaker 1: 9:20

So this is what they said after on this definition. How to shift from harsh self-judgment. So are we ready? Let we're gonna we're gonna see if this works for us. Increase self-awareness. So pay attention to the habit of self-judgment and its patterns without judging yourself for having the habit. Yeah, that's a lot of conscious conscious choice, conscious results, right? Once you become conscious of something, then you can change it because you're it's not it's not a pattern in the back of your mind anymore.

Speaker: 9:54

It's consciousness.

Speaker 1: 9:59

Objective reflection. Try to look at yourself and your actions more objectively to understand the patterns of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I think I just saw that said that. Distinguish actions from self. Learn to distinguish between judging an action and judging your entire self. So I like that is something that you did that you might have judged yourself for or are judging yourself for, is not judging all of you, it's judging that particular behavior on that particular day for that particular reason. So it's about something specific versus all of who you are and the judgment of that. I like that. Practice self-compassion. Oh wow, that's something I need to hear sometimes, especially when you're in the middle of it. So let's see what it says. Choose to respond to your mistakes. Is there mistakes?

Speaker: 10:55

Hmm.

Speaker 1: 10:57

This is me talking, not the definition. Is there a mistake or is it just choosing something that you no longer prefer? I don't know. I have an issue with the word mistake. I understand that on a test or something that you can make a mistake, but once you make a mistake, sometimes you'll never forget the mistakes that you made. Have you ever done that before on a test? It's like, oh, or or done that at a new job, or done this and that. Like once you've made that mistake, then you will never forget it, therefore you'll never do it again. However, I'm not fond of the word mistakes. I think it's just choosing something with maybe not all the information or not all the right knowledge. It just has a more of a not-so-feel-good feeling for me. But choose to respond to your mistakes with kindness and understanding rather than harsh criticism. Got it. So talk nice to yourself. Be nicer to yourself. When you know that you might have chosen something that wasn't right, or someone else has told you how isn't right, or whatever it might be, yes. Speak kindly to yourself instead. Okay, all right. I got it. Got it. I'm having a human experience. I'm down this physical well-being in this realm. I got it. Kindness. I mean, kind to me. Like if you're looking for kindness from other people, turn it around and look at yourself and point the finger at yourself. You need to be kind to yourself first. I got it. I've heard this a hundred times. It means something different now because it's been changing. And if you hear animals in the background, I'm in the vehicle. So kindness is it. Interrupt negative thought patterns. Ooh, consciously work to change the way you talk to yourself by challenging negative thoughts and beliefs. Well, let me tell you, delving into some of your beliefs, we have belief dynamics, and it's one of the reasons why we did it. We added it as a dynamic, because some of your beliefs that we carry and that we have isn't the beliefs aren't even our own. It's just we've carried them for them, or we've been influenced, or, you know, we were just told that something was the way it was because, you know, we were a kid and we've never challenged that. Delve into your beliefs, your negative thoughts. Consciously work to the change the way you talk to yourself. Yeah, self-talk, huge again, and being kinder to yourself. These are just the ways they said the shift from the harsh self-judgment. I'm gonna do more on this. I'm gonna do a blog on this as well, I believe. And so it'll be on paper. I choose to walk stronger and forward and be less judgmental towards myself and more loving and kind to myself. Will I have the opportunity to prove that to myself? The universe will always offer that. And I have to be conscious enough to go, I'm choosing me. I'm choosing to be okay and to be kind and to be loving to myself and to be strong and to realize that there's ups and downs in this world and it's part of my life path to really balance this judgment thing in here. And so I'll be forever grateful for being in this moment at this time, the universe setting it all up. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And so being able to share this personal experience with you means a lot. If you are dealing with judgment, and I just want to go back because I'm I want to acknowledge the afterthoughts that I get, the the channel thoughts that I get through what I learned as if if it's come through to say it, because it's for somebody. I don't know who it's for, but it's for somebody, including me, is that you don't have to create some crazy thing just so you can prove to yourself that you're not judging yourself. It can be very subtle, it can be less intrusive, it can be something that you might have said or something, you know, you don't have to do that. But if you want to do that, the universe will provide you a law of attraction, like attracts like if you're you know, you're saying that you want to be kind to yourself, you'll be given opportunities to be kinder to yourself in situations where you may have judged yourself before, harshly or not, or not harshly, but just recognize that you'll be given opportunities to be more self-accepting of yourself and and more loving towards yourself. If you slip up again and have criticism for yourself or judgment towards yourself, then so what? So it is okay. Next it is what it is. Thank it for its gift. It was here for a reason, and then now it'll be gone. You can do this all gently instead of harshly. I just want to say that my energy has shifted, and I'm I'm so forever grateful for this ability to share. I have universal energy flowing through me all the time, as everyone does, and even the dynamics it says right in the front page of one of our quotes. We have this dynamic energy that is flowing through each one of us, and what are we doing with it? Now, that energy that's flowing through us right now, that is this dynamic energy, that could be called source energy, that could be called universal energy, that could be called love energy, that could be called kindness energy, but it's this dynamic energy that's flowing through us. So, what do we want to do with this? What do we want to become with this? What are we open to be with this? You have opportunities here, and thank you very much. And if you need to discuss it more, then by all means, please reach out to us. We always want to build that community that makes you feel like you are supported. Because I know I love to be supported, and I know along the way we have supported each other in this community of Dynamics Family, our dynamicsseries.com, and then you'll see the blogs there, the podcasts there, the the resources, all the different dynamics. You can contact us, you can read about us. You know, you're part of our family, and so let's just be kind to one another and love each other a lot more, and starting with ourself. It's always a self-love, self-kindness, self-well-being, self-care. Until we see each other again, hear each other again, make it a beautiful, dynamic day, and bye for now.

Speaker: 18:11

Thanks for letting me share.

Speaker 1: 18:19

If you slip up again and have criticism for yourself or judgment towards yourself, then so what? So it is. Okay, next. You know, it's like it is what it is. Thank it for its gift. It was here for a reason, and then now it'll be gone. So, you know, you you can do this all gently instead of harshly. And I just want to say that my energy has shifted, and I'm I'm so forever grateful for this ability to share my gifts. And I have universal energy flowing through me all the time, as everyone does, and even the dynamics, you know, it says right in the front page of one of our quotes. We have this dynamic energy that is flowing through each one of us, and what are we doing with it? Now, that that energy that's flowing through us right now, that is this dynamic energy, that could be called source energy, that could be called universal energy, that could be called love energy, that could be called kindness energy, but it's this this dynamic energy that's flowing through us. So, what do we want to do with this? What do we want to become with this? What are we open to be with this? So you have opportunities here, and thank you very much. And if you need