DSF 024: What Does Family Truly Mean To You?

DAYnamics Show Fundamentals 024. What Does Family Truly Mean To You?We sit down with my 92-year-old mother, Rhoda, to talk about what family means to her, what we try to pass down, and why love and respect still matter when life gets complicated. We reflect on generational change, money habits, communication, and how to stay true to yourself while staying connected.

• defining family 
• choosing your own path rather than living someone else’s plan 
• treating people the way you want to be treated while keeping your integrity 
• listening deeply and asking whether someone wants help or to be heard 
• sibling traits, protection, and sticking up for one another 
• talking it out, forgiving, and loving people with healthy boundaries 

Please note: this was recorded in my Mom's kitchen so fluctuations in sound will be heard.

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Transcript

Welcome And Centering

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello our dynamics community, it's your host Marianna here to welcome you to the Dynamics Show, where personal development meets daily life. On this podcast, you know there's no one size fits all path in life, which is why each episode is crafted for you to align with your own dynamic self on your terms. Our journey here is filled with options, opportunities, and infinite possibilities. So let's uncover the reason you are here because you'll always hear what you need to, and explore what is possible together. Today our discussion recording will be about exploring the subject of family dynamics, and I have the pleasure of being joined by my mother, my 92-year young mother. So welcome, Rhoda.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Thank you, Marianna.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

She doesn't like when I say her age, but I think she should be very proud of it. Beautiful wellness and great sharp mind. Why this subject of family is because it's one of our core life dynamics, and who better then to do a family dynamics recording about than with my actual family, since I'm with them in person for this recording. I just always like to set the tone for our time together, because it's more than just a podcast. We are here to remind you that flowing through each one of us is a dynamic energy that is ours to use every single day. That's why the day in dynamics is capitalized. It is a daily choice to live dynamically. So let's take a moment to center ourselves, take a deep breath in and out, and be fully present, listen with an open heart and an open mind. Since we know what we focus on expands. And a part of being dynamic is constantly changing, being open to new ideas, and knowing we are always becoming something. So mama, family. What does family mean to you? Family means the world to me.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Especially because they're kind,

Defining Family Beyond Blood

SPEAKER_00 2:37

they're loving, they're anything that I ever wanted them to be, and I'm very fortunate to have them.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Yes. Family means to you the world, which is a beautiful compliment to us. And I know this is just on audio, so people can't see you, but I can see my mom tearing up when she was saying that. So I know that emotionally that answer means a lot to her. And I hope that our audience feels like family means something to them as well. Knowing that family is your blood relatives, your stepchildren, your extended family, it can mean for some people that don't have a family, family can mean friends or acquaintances or work co-workers. Like there's so many definitions. And if you haven't listened to them all, then please go to dynamicsseries.com and then go to dynamics, look up family dynamics. And we've done a few things, a few definitions, and all that stuff, because we always start with a base definition of what subject matter means and then extend from that. So we've done that a few times already, so please use that as a resource. So is there anything else that you want to share that family means to you now that you've had a time to process that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Just thinking having a family is the reason I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Thanks, mama. That's sweet. That's sweet. So my mama, which I call mama bear a lot of times, is Rhoda, and we're so pleased that she's on this podcast. The second question we have for her today is what values or lessons do you hope that you pass down to your children, grandchildren, and in your case, great-grandchildren.

Values To Pass Down

SPEAKER_00 5:05

When I started uh when you asked me the question at first, I got I went back to, I believe you were in maybe grade nine, ten, maybe, or so, and we were doing the dishes in the kitchen, and I was washing, you were drying, and the question came up was something about school, what would you want to be? Or some questionnaire as to what the future, what the the school thought you should be, or whatever. I think it was a form you had to fill out, and I can remember telling you that you could be anything and everyone, love everyone that you wanted to, but the thing is you had to make the decision as to what your thoughts were not. When your buddy wanted wanted you to be a nurse, somebody else wanted you to be something else. No, it had to be what you yourself wanted to be. You had you were in high school, you were learning, and you were smart, and you could pick up on just about anything, and you knew where you you had an idea of what you wanted to be, but you were adventurous and you were eager to do things and learn things, and so I told you just like the dishes, like we I wash you dry, we're sharing, but we're also sharing the thought thought that we are, you know, we're together and you're telling it to me that you want to do something, but you don't know what you want to be. But the this bulletin told you there was examples, like you could be a dental assistant, you could be something else, I forget now.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

A dentist, a doctor, like anything.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Anything you wanted to be. Yeah. But you wanted to travel, I think, from early because you were very anxious to to see things, and I don't know, you were just very adventurous and so what ambitious too.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

So what value or lesson did you think that you taught me with that is just to be who I to be who you really wanted to be naturally, but it was the dishes I washed, you dried, so something had to be complete. You had an idea and you comp I washed the dish and you and rinsed it, you dried it. So it was like the the dish had had its purpose. It was washed and you got dried by you, and that was the purpose of doing the dishes was to make sure that they were clean for our next meal. But but like starting something with life. Yeah, yeah. It was the same thing with life, and and and you seemed to like the idea that that it that I could be anything and that nobody could put me down. Well, they could, but they could put you down, but it had to have a very good reason and and a purpose, and they had to prove anything that they said against you. I wouldn't take any foolishness from anyone on that.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Well, that was definitely one of the lessons that we learned was just you know to stand up for who we were and not necessarily needing necessarily leading, have to believe anyone else what anyone else said about because people are gonna say things that they say and it you know it's for us we were taught. It doesn't matter we don't have to approve or we don't have to get approval outside of ourselves. It starts from within. So And then what what about some lessons like your grandkids? What you know, you you have your grandkids, your great grandkids here. So what what do you feel that some of the values that they say where they go, Oh, we do this because of you, Graham, or gr like our my dad is no longer with us here on this physical world. I know for me, strength that you didn't have to speak a lot. Like you could you could say everything by being silent and just listening and then respond when it was necessary. Like that's what I think my dad brought through from a values and and a lessons, and that that family was important to him and that you know he would do what was necessary to provide for the family and to make sure that you know we had a good unit.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

So Yes, and and like he would sit back and listen to everything. Yes, any conversation, and he wouldn't say much, but when he said it, I mean everyone, anyone that was there would say, Well, you had the right answer, but you didn't say much.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

You know, they well sometimes it isn't but that's a great lesson that dad taught us is that verbal diarrhea with words isn't you know, the more words you say or is is not necessarily as valuable as saying less. You know, because you've listened. Well, right for him, right for them maybe, but just more for me it's like really listening to somebody. And because I do these resources through dynamic series, and I tend to want to share some of the resources if someone's having an issue and problem. And I really realized this trip is do you want me to just listen to you or do you want me to try to help you? You know, because a lot of times people just want to be heard and they don't necessarily want to be helped. And that that was a lesson too that I've learned along the way from that about listening. And from you, I mean, I can answer some of the stuff, but you're the value of being a good person. Yeah, it's very well. I'm a chatterbox at times. But it doesn't matter what the value that you had, it was about being a good person. Oh no matter if you talk a lot or not.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

My main my main thing that I hope and still hope that I know that you have is always my mother taught me when anything bothered me, sometime we'd have a chat and we'd say, I'd say, Oh, I just get so discouraged with some people because they're they're not true people. And my mother always said, Well, I've learned a lesson through the years, and she said that was you treat people the way you want to be treated. You treat them the way like if you meet someone new and and and you like them or you think you like them, be polite and everything like that. Some people you meet and you just can't you can't show any feeling because there's nothing there's nothing there. So what you do is basically just say hi, how do you do? I'm so glad to meet you, what have you, or thank I'm glad to meet you, or maybe whatever the occasion, it's your birthday, happy birthday, whatever. You don't have to make a big deal of it, but just be true to you want to be act right, act properly, and be polite. And I hope that's what the children learn to be. Treat them the way another person the way that you would want to be treated by them. Or by anyone, or anyone.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

The bigger thing that I took from that, as far as you from a lesson, is I am only responsible for me.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So I cannot yes, I can act like I want to treat them the way that they I want to be treated, but sometimes you're not. So you still have to stay in your own integrity around that and just go, and I and and now I just if someone is is not that person or not is just you just bless them. I just bless them. Bless you. There must be something going on in your life that you feel like if I'm kind to you and you're not kind back, that you know, there's there's something going on for you. The lesson too is too by you caring sometimes about what people think of you has really taught me the lesson that I don't. So so the lessons that that's a really good point though, because the values and lessons that you have that you hope that you're passing down to your child is maybe something that they don't appreciate or like because everyone has their own life path and everyone can choose what's right for them. So sometimes the values and lessons that parent or grandparent or whatever is is passing down is only from what they've known and what they've experienced and what they've been taught, but then we as children have the right to choose what we want for our own lives. I'm not always the example, I I'm just doing the best I know, and then if if there's something more then you grow and expand to who you are, right? Yeah. So let's go to question number three. Thanks for that, mama. How do you think family relationships in general have changed from when you were young to now? And I'm talking family relationships based off of the families

How Family Life Has Changed

SPEAKER_01 15:09

that have had children or have stepchildren adopted whatever it might be in the family unit. From when you, mom, were young, what did family relationships look like then?

SPEAKER_00 15:24

When I was young, it was we lived in a house of my mother and father and my brother two sisters and a brother. And we were always active, doing, always doing things, and we had relatives that always stopped in. It was very friendly family. Mom was always doing, my mother was always doing something for someone, helping with their babysitting or whatever, and or they brought the children of the mom to mind when they were their younger children, and we helped there that way, but we were very close, you know, as a family unit, and and as I say, we were just a family. And so who who who worked out of the house? Well, Dad worked. He worked at the port and it was a hard job. It was a w a winter and all-year-round job, but I mean mostly in the wintertime, it was the the busiest. And he was on the go and we often had he would bring people home for supper, something like this, to uh that he was working with that they had to work at night, he would bring them home, and mom always found everything for them. So we were always close, and we were very active in sports. My brother and my younger sister. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

So that was a family relationship, right? Yeah. So it sounded like it was very healthy and very active and okay. So what do you see the changes in family relationships now?

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Well, I I mean my my three children have grown. They've all married and they have children of their own, and and some of them have to work, others don't. Now it's more or less with the cost of everything of living and and how how everything has grown. It's like two parents actually, if they have good jobs, and they're jobs that are are that'll take them somewhere, you know, that they can always have and keep them throughout their life as a job. If they have a job like that, so you have to have two people working actually now, and with everything that there's kindergarten, there's preschool, there's people building homemakers, there's everything that, you know, that it enables people to get out to work, but the children don't have the same. I can't say that because I've got beautiful grandchildren and and great-grandchildren, that I can't say that they didn't get any, you know, any care or anything, but they always had the best. They always had the love. That's one thing. There was always plenty of love in in the family with the with my children and their children. Yes. And and they the love has grown from them and into the great-grandchildren, and and like I can feel daily when they come here, you know, that the love is there and they still have it. So it's I don't know. Some families can't do it, but I know I I'm thankful that mine they do that the love is there, that they both work and they're working together, and they're working for the same thing for their family, and they're keeping their family happy and healthy. That's amazing. Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

And my feedback of that, even from younger years to now, is just like like you you brought up the cost of living and what you have to do, because it's some of them want big homes and this and that. So, and then you have to think about all the expenses which is under the cost of living, and then you think sometimes I find the difference between way back in your generation to now is that people didn't really divorce very much because you know, you guys were in it together and you did what it takes, and now sometimes it might just be easy, not easier is not the right word, but it's just I I see that a little bit more where people are different things where they bring in children and then they feel like they maybe have to be together or they have to get married. That was before, and now it's like not necessarily do they have to get married and stuff, or or if they are together, what kind of lifestyle do they want? So maybe like I remember you being home when we were school age and then dad was out of the house, and then when when we were had the ability to come home by ourselves and go in the house and all that stuff, then you went out to the work because dad had a medical concern, so then you were out of the house working. So, you know, it's that combination. Sometimes it's two people, sometimes it's single moms, single dad, you know, so there's there's all these different variations that happen.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

The biggest thing that I noticed, and I'll I'll still say it, and it I'll it'll I'll always say it because it was so true. The thing is when when we got together, you know, the getting together and and getting married and all this here, business and stuff. We we worked hard for what we got, and we saved up a little bit before we got married, and we picked up our furniture and a couple pieces of furniture. But that was early. But as we went on, even when the children came, and I'll I'll take one instance as a Christmas. Christmas time then, it was exciting when when the Christmas catalog came. I met some friends and and we we started to talk, and we all relived this moment of when the Christmas catalog came, Eton's catalog came, and we would turn around and that catalog meant a lot. Each one of them got their turn at the catalogue. Going through it. First, second, and third things that you wanted, something you wanted really bad. You would circle the picture and put a graping one, two, or three, whatever it was on the picture. And you were really, really, you couldn't have been any more excited when those three things were under the tree because we were able to get them. We always saved. We saved. If we needed something really bad that we knew that you kids needed for Christmas or say a pair of skates or something like that, and they're a little over our budget at the time. We would put aside a little bit or do without a little thing here or there. So we made sure we had the money to cover it. Nowadays, there's credit cards, there's oh, I want a new chair. I got 15 chairs, but I need a new chair, but I like that one. So the heck would it put it on my charge card? This marvelous thing that they have nowadays. The value isn't the same. And we saved up for it and we made sure we got only what was needed and the kids wanted. That was the most important thing to us.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Right, because then you were putting the family, the family together, but looking at your children, where now there's a whole lot more things, and there's a whole lot more easier way to get access to things, shopping online, so many apps, so many this and that, and then having, yeah, more options of how to pay or yeah, so it is different that way. So thanks for answering that. They it it definitely has changed. So, audience, how has this been resonating with you so far as far as the family dynamics and you know, I I always mention this if you have a mom or dad or grandparents or great-grandparents with you, like sit with them for a bit. Like just sit and chat with them and understand where they came from because at one point that has reflected or influenced you on some level of the generational stuff coming down. Now, does it have to if it's doesn't feel good or negative? No, you can stop it and go, oh, I know where that came from. Let's change that belief, let's reset that, and this is what I prefer now. You always have that power. But it's really cool to just understand some of the, you know, where where did you come from? How did you live? Like just so you know that the progression of life as well. Do that if you have that opportunity, because you never know. Well, you know, when you're done, you're done here for the physical experience. I believe that we continue on and stuff, so you know, whatever your beliefs is, it doesn't matter. To me, it matters to you. The last question, mama. Ready? Yes. Okay. Tell me a little bit about the personalities or the traits of each of your kids. So we have your oldest kid, Linda, myself, Marianna, is a middle child. And yes, I'll be doing a podcast about middle

Kids’ Personalities And Sibling Bonds

SPEAKER_01 25:28

child stuff because it does exist. It doesn't have to influence you too much, but it does exist. And then our youngest brother, Peter. So let's start with Linda. So what is a little bit of just tell me a little bit of the personalities of Linda, like maybe, you know, as a child, what was she like, and then what do you see her blossomed into now as an adult?

SPEAKER_00 25:50

Oh my gosh, what can I say? Loving, caring, a sweet personality. And yet I'd have to say that about all my kids, because they're all the same. They're all right. They're all they all have the same traits.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

But what makes Linda Linda? Like when she was younger, like what did you see the personality or the trait of her?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

It's hard to say. She's just our first. We learned a lot through her. How to how to look after a child, what she expected.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Thank you, sis. And I've always told you this over the years for being the first child, because they were probably the strictest with you, and probably the most open as well, because they were learning. You set the bar for a lot of it that when I came along they had already dealt with you or on certain situations, so And you were her baby. And she was very protective to me, yes. Linda then, she was protective, obviously. Oh she was always baby sedustri, I remember that. So she was always but she was always like not as strict, I found. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

I don't remember her so much. Audio children were quiet, so quiet and and happy and happy go lucky and and just very easy to get along with. Except you and your brother used to tear the place apart once it was in a while.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

When you get playing, and and the playing got so you made one another ugly. The fact that you chase each other into the bathroom door or something, but that is as they always came with with growing up, you know how kids will argue in the woman, but there there isn't anything that that one wouldn't do for the other or stick up for them and fight for them. And and I've noticed a couple occasions where where Marianna has stuck up for Peter and Peter for her. Well, that whole three of them and Linda, and she get in there and they'll stick up for one another, and they won't they won't let anyone say anything bad against them, or if they happen to be a little down day or something, and they say the wrong thing, they make sure they straighten it out. Make sure, straighten it out, make sure it's right, that they don't want to leave anyone with the wrong impression of a person.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

That's what I most appreciate. I always remember just how close we were, and then I'd hear about other families where they're just, you know, not close or mean or take things too personally or hold grudges and all that stuff, and I would just think, okay, well, that's your life path, but man, that's that's a challenge. Do we get along perfectly all the time? No. Do we agree on everything? No. But you know what? We love each other more than all of that. That's what makes it important. So the the personalities of each of your kids, it seems like we're all similar, but to me, I I recognize that there's huge differences sometimes. You know, way back then to now, like Linda's still the sort of protector of us all. Myself, I'm the adventurer as the middle child, because I'm the only one that doesn't live by them, close to them, close to them physically. And then Peter. So I guess in general, we're so much alike, but we have our little own personalities, and I know it's a challenge sometimes for a parent to differentiate, because you always want to see the good side, but I know Linda's gentle, I'm more bold and to the point, and Peter's what how would you explain that? Matter of fact, he's just like matter-of-fact-ish. Well stick to the facts. Yeah. Yeah, right. So is there anything else that you wanted to share, Mother? Because we really appreciate your time with us today on this podcast. And is there anything else that in general you would like to say about family and the dynamics of our family?

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Well, anything to do with family is is if you have a family, you keep them, and if you have difficulties, you get rid of them and go talk it out to them, even if they don't like it. Talk it out

Love, Boundaries, And Closing Challenge

SPEAKER_00 31:03

if if there's something, then it's just an argument over something. But if there's a you've got to stick beside your family. You don't have to, but I always figure you have your family is your family, and you have to treat it the way you want to be treated, and treat them with respect. And and love them. The main thing is have a lot of forgiving and loving to do, but if it's your family, you're fortunate to have them. So yes. Love them and do what you can for them while you can. And just love them, that's all the main thing. Stick by them, whatever they whatever they do, stick by them.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah. And when when that isn't right or that doesn't feel right anymore, then you don't. It doesn't mean that you don't love them. It could mean that you could love them from afar, but that doesn't mean if if there's something that's not appropriate that you don't have to put up with anything. Just knowing you again, that's the thing, is that you can just love people from and know their well-being and not have to be with them or around them. Speaking from someone that has gone through stuff in her life, myself, that you know, sometimes when even when it comes to a a marriage or whatever, so but as far as like the family unit itself, our core family, our extended family. Yes, love. That's it for right now. Love and respect. Love and respect. That's right. There you go. Okay. So thank you, mom, for being on the show.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Oh, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

It's so it's so good to be here. So we'll just close up for right now. Take a moment to reflect on this show around living a dynamic life every day around the subject of family. What resources will you use from what we've shared today? And how will this be more uniquely yours by listening to what we've said and then doing what you prefer? Maybe something we said or something different, which is good. And what will you become from this? We can't wait to hear about it. Please send us in your feedback on how family dynamics and what family dynamics means to you. So, what now? We challenge you to take action, share this episode with someone who may need it, or explore our past recordings to keep the discussions alive. Your dynamic journey doesn't stop here. There's so much more waiting for you. So we invite you to follow, subscribe, share, support, shift. And speaking of supporting, we support you in your journey as well. Visit dynamicshow.info or dynamicsseries.com to dive into our resources, including being able to subscribe to the show. All materials shared on this show are copyrighted and meant for informational purposes only. So until we meet again, thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning into this dynamic show. Again, thank you, Mother Rhoda.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

Welcome.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

And align with your dynamic well being every day. And mom, what we say at the end is make it a dynamic day.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

Make it a dynamic day.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Perfect. Bye for now. Thank you.